If there’s one video game boss I’d love to see in Hell one day it’s the (admittedly beautiful) Sephiroth from the OG Kingdom Hearts. This bad boy was already a nuisance in Final Fantasy VII, but then you accidentally encounter the jerk in Square’s 2002 Disney crossover action-RPG and before you know it, you’re hearing Sora’s adolescent death scream ad nauseam. It sucks.
An optional boss you only face off against once you’ve cleared the four other Olympus Coliseum cups, Sephie is incredibly fast and stupidly powerful. He’s got a ton of health, can summon fire spires and floating meteors to fill the arena, has the ability to teleport around the stage, and regularly uses cheap moves that cut you down to 1HP. And this is all before he gets serious, which happens once you’ve gotten him to half-health. It’s here where he evolves from patient antagonizer to relentless assaulter, sprinting around and swinging his massive Masamune to prove who the real chosen one is.
I still remember when I first fought this Sephiroth. Ripping through the Olympus Coliseum with ease, absolutely murking fools, I thought I was hot shit. So when I saw the Platinum Match open up, I was more than prepared to body the sucker on the other end. I choked a bit when Sephie came beaming down from the sky, but feeling as OP as I did, I wasn’t too worried.
Except I should’ve been, as he killed me over and over and over. There was one moment when I reduced his health to less than 10 percent, but in one fell swoop, thanks to some unblockable summoned meteors, he cut me down—again. And this process, damn-near win only for him to turn around and murder me, became a Groundhog Day-style loop I just couldn’t escape. Even after beating the main game and maxing out Sora’s character, I still couldn’t beat Sephiroth. I guess he was the chosen one after all.
Some years later, I faced him again in Kingdom Hearts II and kicked his ass on the first try. Did I suck in the OG game? Or was he way easier in the sequel? It doesn’t matter to me now because I got my revenge for the years of torment.
Still, though, I do wonder if I could beat Sephie in Kingdom Hearts. The series has since seen its share of sequels, side games, and remasters, so I’ve had more than enough training. Maybe it’s possible. Or maybe I should just get good like this Twitch streamer and dance him to death. — Levi Winslow
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