Baldur’s Gate 3 lets you romance a plethora of in-game characters. You can kiss them up in preparation for some tantalizing sex, but if you’re a short king or queen, then it appears you skip first base and get right to the second.
Larian Studios has made it clear that every character is horny. You can flirt with humans, demons, elves, and even bears—if it’s fuckable, it’s probably lovable, meaning you can cuddle up to nearlyanyone you put the work into. But the developers maybe weren’t prepared for how height differences play a role in smooching and coitus. And a Baldur’s Gate 3 player revealed just how, um, interesting a kiss looks when you’re pint-sized and your partner isn’t.
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Kissing in Baldur’s Gate 3 is hard when you’re tiny
Jesse Vitelli, an associate editor at gaming publication Prima Games, tweeted on August 11 an image of their Gnome character attempting a kiss in-game.
“My gnome can’t even kiss my love because he’s too short,” Vitelli said. “This is the kissing animation. This is NOT Short King Summer.”
Gnomes are a race known for being fast and smart. They’re also one of the shortest races in the entire Dungeons & Dragons franchise at about 3 feet, 5.5 inches in height, second only to the Haflings that stand at roughly 3 feet tall. Vitelli’s love, the Tiefling Karlach, is anywhere from 5 feet, 6 inches to 6 feet, 2 inches tall. So, when Vitelli’s Gnome goes in for a kiss, instead of their lips locking in sensual romance, it looks like the Gnome is going down on the horned Karlach. I’m sure that wasn’t intended, but it happened and I’m dead.
In a direct message with Kotaku, Vitelli said his Rizzard (a portmanteau of “rizz” and “wizard” that he came up with because his Gnome was “trying to fall in love with multiple characters”) did kiss the High Half-Elf Shadowheart once but broke that budding relationship off when he saw the Tiefling Karlach.
“Karlach and I banged,” Vitelli said “The scene itself was fine except it was very funny to see my little Gnome’s butt be tiny [next to] Karlach and this giant demon lady.”
Kotaku reached out to Larian Studios for comment.
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At any rate, Baldur’s Gate 3 has taken the internet by storm. Not only has it become the highest-rated game on Metacritic, but it’s also got so many players on Steam that it nearly beat Hogwarts Legacy’s concurrent player count. Not everything is perfect. The studio is currently working on over 1,000 fixes, with mid-game character customization also coming down the pipeline. Still, Baldur’s Gate 3 is a shining beacon in the often troubled state of game development, even if some are using it to spark cyclical arguments.
