Play it on: PS5, PS4, PS3,Xbox Series X/S, Xbox One, Xbox 360, Windows (Steam Deck OK), macOS, Linux
Current goal: Regenerate brain cells
Buy it from: Amazon | GameStop
I might be playing its Game of the Year edition, but 2014 action-adventure Shadow of Mordor is more accurately something between the worst game ever made and a perfectly OK Assassin’s Creed for people who sort of like Liv Tyler. Its nemesis system—which pits players against monologuing Orc captains who get more pissed each time you kill them—is ridiculous. Mostly because of the monologues, in which some racially charged monster named Bimbo the Destroyer calls you racially charged epithets and demands you fight him.
Nevertheless, I’ve been persisting. I’m playing Shadow of Mordor for the first time, because in 2014, I was preoccupied with keeping my One Direction shrine well-maintained. I’m constantly astounded and enthralled by how absurd the game is and how awful its mechanics are. Jumping off a wall should not require you mash X until you accidentally sort of slip down. Being able to hold down R1 to grab Orcs by the neck in a mob and create an infinite meat shield is a huge, although hilarious, oversight.
The story is remarkably unintelligent. I’ve been noticing how all the slaves are white bald men, which, if nothing else, is at least an insight into how Ben Shapiro earnestly sees the world. So far in my playthrough, I’ve encountered one woman. She died.
In short, Shadow of Mordor is an awkwardly made, political wasp nest with a guy named Ratbag in it and…all right, I change my mind, it’s actually the best game ever. — Ashley Bardhan
